Friday, August 30, 2013

Equally Taxed

Towleroad: "In a decision prompted by the recent SCOTUS ruling on DOMA the U.S. Department of the Treasury said today it would recognize gay married couples for tax purposes regardless of the state laws regarding marriage in which they reside!"  

This means two gay men living in Texas could go get legally married in California and would then be treated as a married couple by the IRS!  (Even though Texas doesn't recognized marriage equality, yet)

I never thought I'd be so excited about paying taxes.

"Under the new Treasury policy, all federal tax provisions where marriage is a factor, including filing status, employee benefits, IRA contributions, earned income, child tax credits, and income, gift and estate taxes, will apply to same sex couples regardless of where they live. On the flip side, gay couples also will now be subjected to the so-called marriage penalty, in which some (usually upper-middle class) joint filers incur a higher tax burden than they would if they filed as single people."

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I Have A Dream

MLK Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech turns 50 today.  He delivered the speech on August 28, 1963 to almost a quarter million people.  For those of us fighting for civil rights for gay people, we are standing on the shoulders of the peaceful civil rights movement of MLK Jr.'s era.

We live in a better world because of the civil rights movement of the 1960's.  And our future children will live in a better world because of the current civil rights movement for gay people.

We are one connected mass of humanity.  What came before us, and what will come after us is all connected.

On this day I would like to say 'thank you' to all of those who were on the national mall 50 years ago today.


Perhaps I should be embarrassed.  I'm not.  Trigger chewed the crotch out of a pair of my underwear, again.  Why does he do this? 

It makes me laugh, because this is his trademark move.  He's been doing this since he was a puppy.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


In case you wanted to know: I am the winner of Listerine challenge in our house hold.  Yes, I can keep Listerine swooshing in my mouth longer than my husband can!

It's important to celebrate the little victories.

I'm a winner!

Monday, August 26, 2013


The VMA's is the best awards show, always.  Lady Gaga killed it in the opening.  Miley Cyrus scared me a little bit.  Justin Timberlake's performance (with an 'N Sync reunion) was the biggest moment.

But the best moment was when Macklemore & Ryan Lewis & Mary Lambert's "Same Love" performance included a surprise appearance by Jennifer Hudson.

Watch it here at

Sunday, August 25, 2013


"Funny how we know gay people exist and don't know if god exists, but deny gay people their rights on the off chance it might piss god off."

- Even J'date Kessler (via Twitter)

Friday, August 23, 2013

Reading Words

I was grossly unprepared for my flight.  I had my work laptop, but who wants to to do work?  My flight was delayed.  My iPhone was fading.  I went to the highly priced and highly convenient airport bookstore to purchase the book my mother recommended last year.

Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walter

The biggest endorsement of the book: my dyslexic brain is reading it.  It's worth the work.  I'm on page 170-ish of 330-ish, and I will continue to you read it whenever I travel next.

Thursday, August 22, 2013


"I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government. The situation is in no way acceptable, and I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly."

-Wentworth Miller (who came out as gay yesterday)

Tuesday, August 20, 2013


This fall I will have known my husband for ten years.  With over a decade of togetherness, I thought I knew all his many talents, which is why I was surprised to learn for the first time this weekend that he can braid hair.

On Sunday morning my husband was helping Presley get dressed and the next thing I notice Presley walks into the main room with perfectly braided hair.

"Who did that?" I asked.  At the point I asked the question I thought the most logical choice would have been Presley, the five year old.  However,  Presley said it was my husband.  I was so impressed.  I informed my husband that I had no idea that he could braid hair, and he informed me that I had never provided him any hair to braid.


The good news is that this means if we do have daughters, then we won't have to give them buzz cuts.

My husband can braid.

Who knew?

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Love My Girls

It was a very joyous occasion to have both nieces under our roof for two nights.  It really livened up the house.  Presley, 5, and Paxten, 3, are two special little ladies.  First, they really do enjoy each other.  They are such great friends, which is a huge advantage in life.  I know this because I'm great friends with my brother. Presley and Paxten play games (all sorts) all the time.
We played hide-n-go-seek.  We colored.  We built houses out of blocks.  We played "princesses and sharks"; because we had princess and shark toys.  They played a game where they would bring my small river rocks from outside and hide them in the house...I hope we found them all!
 We took photos with the twin Buddhas; Presley asked no less than ten questions about the Buddhas: "why do you have those men?"   The girls also didn't understand why I didn't have a pool in my back yard.  I had to explain, more than once, that unlike their family most families do not have pools in their back yards.  They also asked why I wouldn't go buy a pool if I didn't have a pool.
In stead of swimming, we went to the playground at the park.
We also baked chocolate chip brownies together.  I tried to teach them how to properly crack eggs, and I didn't immediately realized they enjoyed smashing the eggs and watching me fish out the egg shells more than trying to learn proper egg cracking technique from their uncle.  

Technically I was the single uncle for the weekend, since my husband wasn't scheduled to land until Saturday night after the girls' bedtime.  However, my parents came down on Saturday afternoon for lunch and a trip to the zoo.  Time with my parents is always a treasured moment.  I want my children to be influenced by my parents.  It's clear my nieces adore loving Susu and silly Poppy.
 We only had time to go through half the zoo before Paxten tired out.   Sometimes I forget that Paxten is only three years old.  On the car ride home my father told his granddaughters about all the animals in the other part of the zoo we didn't see: unicorns, dragons, and Beast from Beauty and the Beast.  Both the girls and I were laughing at each animal my father said we missed.
I implemented a mandatory rule: at meal times everyone had to stay seated at the table until everyone was finished eating.  In truth I was worried about keeping my girls fed with nutritious food; my nieces are not good eaters.  Paxten used the rule to keep everyone at the table longer.  Meals always ended with us watching Paxten nibble on the last few bites of her food; "I'm not done." she would state.  I was happy if she was eating!
 On Sunday morning, the girls didn't ask about the missing pool in our backyard instead they asked if they could go to the park again.  It made all of us giggle on the teeter-totter when two nieces were still lighter than one uncle.  The biggest laugh of the morning came when I caught Paxten pulling Presley's pony tail in an attempt to help "push" Presley on the swing.  Paxten is a tad bit mischievous.  Luckily, Presley is not tender headed.
My weekend was devoted to my nieces, and I loved every chaotic minute.  They are such bright lights in our life.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Niece Weekend

Dooley is excited to know that our nieces (her cousins) are headed over, right now!!, and the girls will be spending the weekend with us in Dallas.

Trigger, on the other hand, is less than thrilled that Presley and Paxten are in route.  Trigger confuses running, jumping, screaming little girls with wild animals he needs to hunt.

I hope our nieces and I survive the weekend!

Thursday, August 15, 2013


"Hans Bernhard and Mitch Null say they may leave North Carolina -- taking their daughter, their jobs as a veterinarian and an information technology business operations manager at Cisco Systems Inc. and the tax revenue from their properties.

"Following the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision to overturn a key part of the Defense of Marriage Act, the couple is considering moving to Maryland, where they could have a recognized marriage and guaranteed access to the related federal benefits. Bernhard could also become a lawful father to the couple’s 1-year-old daughter, Eva, since North Carolina law prevents residents from adopting a child if they aren’t married to the legal parent."

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Quadratic Formula

My husband and I saw this photograph on the Internets... 
My husband immediately stated: "that's some commitment to the quadratic formula."

"How'd you know that was the quadratic formula?" I asked.

"You don't know that that's the quadratic formula?" my husband gasped in disbelief.  It's like I just asked him how to drink water?  He clearly thought it was a ridiculous question.

When he realized I asked a legitimate (non joking) question, my husband jumped up and went the white board in his office.  He spent the next five minutes explaining the importance of the quadratic equation and the quadratic formula.  I sat their in a trance; trying to take it all in.  I had vague flashbacks to my sophomore year in Mrs. Johnson's algebra class.  To me that was ages ago, but it was as if my husband had just walked out of math class.  "It's a very important formula."

When my husband finished his math lesson he snapped the lid back onto the marker and said, "okay."  As if he expected me to never again ask any more ridiculous questions about the quadratic formula.

"Okay." I snapped out of my trance.  Still shocked that a math professor lives inside my husband.

Monday, August 12, 2013


Me: "Dooley do you want to go see a movie?"

Her: "Yes"

Me: "Elysium is showing at 8:20.  Let's go see that."

Her: "Great"

Me: "Are you excited?"

Her: "I know nothing about this movie, except that Matt Damon is in it- what more do I need to know?"

Dooley supports my crush on Matt Damon.
My future lover, Matt Damon, proves once again that he's the greatest, manliest, smartest actor of all times.  In his last movie he was playing an insecure gay drug addict from the 1970's and in this movie he's saving the world in 2150-ish.  Can you hand him another Oscar?
Jodie Foster's performance is equally exceptional.  She's scary in her power grab roll.  Jodie also looks amazing in this film.  Her legs are hot in that skirt; I'm a gay guy and I couldn't keep my eyes off her legs.  

Elysium sparks great conversation because it depicts a future of "haves" versus "have nots" in an extreme way, but those same buckets in a less extreme way are alive today.  For example, today, if you're born in the middle class of U.S.A. your life is going to be completely different than if you're born to a poor family in India, etc.  

Go see this film.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Dooley Weekend

Our daughter's namesake came calling this weekend, which was treat both physically (she brought pound cake and cookies) and mentally (we had great conversation).  Since day one of our friendship, earlier this century when she was a young undergrad, I always admired her ability to extract the most from her waking hours; she can fit ten pounds of potatoes into a five pound bag - no problem.  This weekend was no exception.  Friday night after she rolled into town, we immediately went out for dinner at Dish.   My scallops and fried artichoke hearts were delicious. The night ended in our living room with her and my husband sipping Disaronno on the rocks while I ate cake and cookies and we all talked.

On Saturday Dooley (with two legs) proved she is the most beloved because she had to make a lap through Dallas to see her other friends.   While she was away, I suffered through yoga because I had eaten pound cake for breakfast, which is clearly Dooley's (with no fur coat's) fault.  It's so good.

Dooley (without a pink diamond collar) finished her Dallas grand tour just in time for a family dinner in Fort Worth at Joe T's.

Another reason I enjoy her so much- she can handle herself in any situation.  My brother and father (it's what I love about those two) always make sure the newbie is welcomed to the dinner table with lots of jokes and harassment.  Our girly girl nieces were very happy to be around another pretty lady.  My father encouraged Dooley (without bat ears) to think about a career in baby sitting if her management consulting career doesn't work out.
Dooley (non-huntress) also brought Luna Lovegood the Shetland Sheepdog for the visit.  Luna is a looker.  Luna is not a love bug.  She snarled at Dooley (the huntress) during the group photo session of the weekend.
 This is a photo of Dooley (with four legs) getting up in Luna's grill after Luna snarled.  I think my baby girl was asking Luna if she'd like to repeat herself?
This is the closest we could get all three dogs for a group photo.  Luna was fused to the armrest.  Also, notice that Dooley (with the pink diamond collar) had to be a little bit in front of Trigger; she would not scoot back.

After dinner we went to the movies, and after the movies we finished the night off with my mom's homemade Grape Nut ice cream and Dooley's (with an MBA's) pound cake.

Sunday morning my popular friend had to leave before the clock hit double digits.  She was required to be back in Houston to help her mother's charity that benefits African orphans.

We made plans for me to come visit her in Houston and she'll take me to BHLDN and Biscuit and any other store that begins with the letter B.  I enjoy Dooley (both of them).

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Love Tile

I saw this ancient pretty blue tile while in Philly weeks ago, and I must post it to the blog so "some day" when I'm building a house I can reference this photo.  Wouldn't the blue tile look lovely as a backsplash in a kitchen?

Friday, August 9, 2013

Sleeping Beauty

Sarah Dooley likes to nap in the living room.  Isn't she gorgeous?  I haven't told her that we're expecting a visit from the other Sarah Dooley this weekend...I know she'll be excited.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

The Big House

We snapped this photo while walking in our 'hood.  This is a side by side photo of a house built in the 1940's versus the house being built today.  Notice the extreme difference in size.  It's interesting to think in the 1940's it was perfectly acceptable to build a 1,400 square foot, three bedroom, two bath house and today it is perfectly acceptable to build a 5,000 square foot, four bedroom, five bathroom house.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Fifty Dollars in Nuts

Our friend Del is in Dallas on business, and when he's in Dallas he's required to stay with us.  It's an official BFF rule.  He stays with us at least one week every quarter,  and we refer to one bedroom in our house as "Del's room," which is fun.

Del entertains us with his commentary on our life.  We do little bits.  One time he went around the house and collected all my scissors, and then asked why any one person needed to own twelve pairs of scissors?  This trip he pulled the roasted pecans and roasted macadamia nuts from the pantry and started to add up the prices on the bag.

"Do you realize you have $50 worth of nuts in your house?" Del asked.

I had to verify his math.  He was correct.  Del continued...

"Now, you do realize that's the weekly grocery budget for some poor family of four?"  He went on to act out a family going to the supermarket and stretching $50 for weekly groceries, and then he acted out me running into that family while I load up on $50 worth of toasted pecans and toasted macadamia nuts.  "That ain't right." was how he ended the bit.

Del always makes us laugh.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013


"Kerry: Same-sex spouses' visas will get equal treatment" 


I Saved My Husband Two Thousand Dollars

I saved my husband $2,000, and he didn't thank me.

Wisteria is having their annual "Back Door" sale (That's not a gay joke.  They really do call it Back Door sale) and of course I am attracted to a furniture sale like I'm attracted to cake.  (Mmm...cake.)

I entered Wisteria's back door and I discovered the last two round white and black marble tables which were original priced at $2,500 each on sale for $450 each.  The point, I suspect, of the Back Door sale is to liquidate stock in their Dallas warehouse.  Wisteria no longer carries this table in their catalog, which is why it's deeply discounted.  Clearly I was going to walk out of the back door with at least one table.  This table caught my eye years ago, but I couldn't afford $2,500 for one table. My internal debate was: "Should I buy both?"

I only bought one table.  I'm excited.  It elevates the space it occupies in our home.

Of course, it's all fun and husband arrived home.  We went round and round and his arguments were a combination of "Why did I needed to buy a table to replace a table?" and "We didn't need another table." and "Spending money is not saving money." and "The table isn't worth $450- who would have ever paid $2,500 for this table?" and "Did I get a bonus at work recently?"

I couldn't find a logical thread in any of his arguments.

My argument was simple: This table is beautiful!  This table was a great buy, since with tax title and license it was $487.13!

Luckily for me and our home, all Back Door sales are final.  My husband cannot take it back even though he very much wants to.

In short, I saved my husband $2,000, and he didn't thank me.

Monday, August 5, 2013


Recently I was visiting my nieces at their suburban castle.  First you must understand that my nieces are insanely crazy about my brother, their daddy.  Especially Paxten.  Although, my brother's wife debates this fact, it's clear that Paxten only wants to hang out with her daddy.   My brother thinks it's just a phase his 3 year old daughter is going through.

While at their house my brother was carrying my oldest niece, Presley, upstairs while my youngest niece, Paxten, was demanding to be carried as well.  My brother kept telling Paxten to let Pat-Pat (that's me) carry her, but Paxten didn't acknowledge the idea.  Paxten would run in front of my brother, stop, throw her hands up and say: "carry me daddy."

Paxten is tenacious.  "Carry me daddy...carry me daddy...carry me daddy!"

Finally my brother stopped walking.  He looked down at Paxten and stated, "Paxten, I'm not carrying you.  I'm carrying Presley right now.  You can either let Pat-Pat carry you or nobody will carry you.  That's your two choices: Pat-Pat or nobody."

Paxten looked at me, and said "nobody."

Regardless of the fact that I was completely rejected by a three year old, I couldn't stop laughing as I watched my brother with Presley in his arms and Paxten by his side with her hand holding on to his shorts walk upstairs together.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Kiss of the Spider Woman

My husband landed at DFW last night and took a car directly to the theater so together we could watch The Uptown Players' version of Kiss of the Spider Woman.  I am shocked to learn that the original run of this musical won the 1993 Tony.

Did I miss something?

What's the point of this show?

I've boiled the show down to this paragraph:

A homosexual (Molina) falls in love with a hunky heterosexual (Valentin) while they share a prison cell.  Raise your hand if you didn't see that one coming?  After the hetero learns that the homo is getting released soon, the hetero seduces the homo to ensure the homo will help him on the outside.  It's really unclear if the hetero had any true feelings at all for the homo.  In the end the homo dies because he will not betray the hetero.  And there's lot of repetitive Spider Woman singing and dancing bits in between.

I don't enjoy shows when homosexual men are portrayed as weak, delicate, fragile, screaming things. It's a very one-dimensional portrayal of gayness.    It dog piles the insult when in the end the homosexual man dies because of his false loyalty to a heterosexual...who may not have ever really even liked the homosexual.  It was unclear.  Maybe he did?  Maybe he didn't?

It's pathetic.  It's sad. This musical is unnecessary.  How did it ever win a Tony?

I'm so mad at this show right now.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Philly Art Tour

Two weeks ago when I joined my husband in Philadelphia we toured the art museum.  (Yes, we ran up the steps and did the Rocky move before entering the building.)  I love visiting museums with my husband because we are on the same frequency: stop and enjoy the art that speaks to you, but don't slow down for the art that doesn't.  Also, if I really like something my husband is okay with multiple return trips to that spot in the museum.  Here are just a few items that caught my eye...

On the outside this pot is interesting enough, but the wow factor emerges when you take a peek on the inside.  I'm passionate about all things blue- this shade of blue was so lovely.  This pot represents my goal in life: be interesting enough on the outside, but be more lovely, more brilliant, more interesting on the inside.  I hope I can teach my future children that quality.
Furniture is art too.  This chair was extraordinary.  Something so common in our lives, a chair, is taken to another level because of the design.  I really wanted to sit in this chair, but my husband advised against it.
This is dog crate is over 2,000 years old and from around China.  Now I know why I like Chinese people so much: clearly they understood that dogs are sacred.  I might need to get a more magnificent crate for my dogs.
This portrait was humongous!  It was titled Portrait of Aurelia "Thistledown" Clifton Brown on Her Pony, 1930, oil on canvas and it was donated by Aurelia C. Brown's estate in 2012.  First all, I'm jealous that she grew up with a pet pony!  I still dream of owning a pony or two!  Second, I respect any artist that includes dogs in portraits!  Third, I'm totally going to have humongous portraits painted of our  future children! I don't know why I can't stop using exclamation points in this paragraph!!!
Gustav Klimt's (1862-1918) Frauenbildnis (Portrait of a Woman) is an unfinished large scale work.  It is thought to be his third work portraying Maria Munk who had shot herself in 1911 at the age of 24, in despair over a lover.  Klimt died before he had the chance to finish this masterpiece.  My husband and I sat on the bench in front of this painting and took it all in for quiet some time.  This work spoke to me deeply.  I studied every inch of this painting, and then in my mind I finished this work.  It is beautiful. This work reminds me that we really have to stay on top of life to ensure there are no "unfinished canvasses" left behind.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Finally: 52% back law to legalize gay marriage in all 50 states

The summary results from a new Gallup poll: "If given the opportunity to vote on a law legalizing gay marriage in all 50 states, the slight majority of Americans, 52%, say they would cast their vote in favor, while 43% would vote against it."

This data proves what is evident in my world.  Being gay is rapidly becoming less taboo; the momentum is headed towards equality and away from hatefulness.  As more gay people step out into the spotlight, then it's easy for heteros to see that homos are people too.  It's easy to fear what you do not understand, but once you hang out with gay people, then you understand there is nothing to fear.

The point of this blog has always been to demystify homos.  Like you, we're living life in all its gloriousness.