Wednesday, December 31, 2014

We Need More Love In the World

If you've been on Facebook and Tumblr recently, then most likely you've learned about the Sunday morning suicide of a transgender teenager Leelah Alcorn.

Newsweek has all the details.

Leelah posted a devastating suicide note on her Tumblr.  She was shunned by her "Christian" family.  If you read her note, then it's clear she felt trapped in her current environment and hopeless about her future.

The intention of our Glorious Gay Days blog is to give you data points that my life as a gay man is equal to your life as a straight person, or as a gay person, or as a transgender person.  There's no mysteriousness about being gay in this world - other than the fact that ignorant people are still in this world that don't know gay people are equal to straight people.

We are all the same, and no one individual is more important than another individual.  This I know for sure.  And since we are all the same it is important for the future of humanity that we change behavior to ensure no one feels the hopeless pain that Leelah felt.

As a reminder:

It's important to note we all have low points in life: it's not rainbows and unicorns and cake all the time for anyone.   Not for Oprah.  Not for the Pope.  Not for Matt Damon.  All pain is the same.  It's equally important to note that most of us felt some sort of angst in our formative teenage years.  And most important, absolutely no pain you are feeling is worth the loss of your life.  You are a loved and valued individual.  If you don't feel that love and value, then work to change your path in life.  Be patient.  Be strong.  Don't give up on yourself.  Life is worth living.  You're worth it.

The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ youth.

Monday, December 29, 2014


Christmas was taken down and packed away as of Sunday night, but I don't want to pack up the Christmas cards; they are still displayed on the entry table.  I'm a big fan of everyone mailing photo cards - it's so fun to see friends and family in the cards.  Why don't we do this more often?

In other Glorious Gay Day news, Dooley is still the cutest French Bulldog.  Proof:

Moving Forward

"You don't have to have it all figured out to move forward."

I like this quote.  I needed to see those words.  Because, with only three days left in 2014...the new year, 2015, is within reach.  For years my husband and I have been saying that 2015 is the year we'd make a baby.  The past few years we've been focused on my husband's MBA, my husband's career, my career, and saving cash for baby making.

And now just like the quote from Robert Harling's Steel Magnolias, we're saying to ourselves in a loud voice in a quiet room...

"It's time.  Honey, it's time."

My husband and I had an official family meeting to discuss fatherhood.  After the meeting we sent a note to the surrogacy agency informing them we're ready to get on the baby train and we want a meeting to discuss the next steps.

It's overwhelming.  The thought of having a baby is overwhelming to me.

What if I'm not a good father?

We have exceptional nieces and nephews.  What if our kids are duds compared to my brother's girls and my husband's sister's boys?  (Is it wrong for me to even ask that question?)

Right now I have a team of 25 consultants deployed on two continents; how do I fit fatherhood into the mix?  My career is still on the up take.

What if we have children that are super athletic; I don't know how to throw a baseball, football, etc.?

What if, what if, what if...

My friend Anni, who gave birth to her first child this year, sent me a text that gives me hope: "It'll be easy to figure the kid stuff out once the baby gets here.  It was so daunting before it happened, but for us parenthood came easily once Emily arrived.  I'm sure it will for y'all too."

I trust Anne.  So, that's the attitude I'm taking; it'll all work out. We're boarding the baby train and moving full speed ahead.

We're moving forward.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014


"Don't chase people.
Be an example.
Attract them.
Work hard and be yourself.
The people who belong in your life will come and find  you and stay.
Just do your thing."

Monday, December 8, 2014

Oh Hole-y Night

There's a hole my bucket (dear Liza, dear Liza).  Oh.  I mean: There's a hole in my PJ's (dear Trigger, dear Trigger).

Yes, it's happened again.

Trigger, do you know who might have eaten the crotch out of my pajama pants?

I do.

Trigger has occasionally been doing this to shorts, underwear, and pajamas since the beginning.  In fact, eleven years ago when my husband was roommates with Naz he would stock up on gift cards to Victoria's Secrets, because when Trigger destroyed her panties my husband would just hand over a gift card and an apology.

Also, about that time, once Trigger destroyed the back of my boxers, I didn't realize it when I put on my boxers.  I was walking around my apartment with a hole in the back of my boxers - until my roommate Anne noticed!  Yikes!  To this day she thinks we were doing something kinky with my clothing.  She never believed a dog would do this.

Trigger, it's just part of your charm.

After all, it's my fault for leaving clothing on the floor.

Place Cards

I was cleaning this weekend, and I found four valuable pieces of paper.  The last time our nieces were staying with us I was in the kitchen finishing cooking dinner, and to simultaneously entertain the girls and to give me more time my husband came up with the idea to create place cards for the dinning room table.

My husband and Presely collaboratively created my husband's place card...

Presley, who's 6, created her place card...
Paxten, who's 4, created her place card...
And since I was in the kitchen, Paxten also created my place card...
It cracks me up because Paxten likes to use most the top right piece of her paper.  She also writes in a mirror image.  For example, if I held my place card up to a mirror it reads "Pat Pat." And I like that she added a little rainbow on my place card.

We love our nieces.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Are you two related?

Right after yoga, earlier today...

Nice Lady: "Are you two related?"

I looked at her with with a question mark written on my face.  The question came out of nowhere.

Nice Lady, repeats the question: "Are you two related?" (She points to me and my husband to add emphasis.)

Me: "We're married."

Nice Lady: "Oh.  (pause) Oh, so you ARE related then..."  (She smiled nicely at me as if to reassure me she's okay with that fact.)

I smiled back at her.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Christmas is Up

My husband and I are very proud of our eclectic Christmas tree.   Right after we got married, my husband's mother gave us all of my husband's Christmas ornaments she had purchased for him over the years.  When my late grandmother stopped putting up a big tree at Christmas, she gave us several of her non-precious ornaments.  When my parents stopped putting up a Christmas tree too - they gave me all their ornaments.

For example, we have my first Christmas ornament from 1980 hanging on our tree...
And one of my favorite Christmas decorations is my late grandmother's ceramic Christmas tree, which is adding classy Christmas magic to the dinning room.
Although we can't be too classy because I enjoy a gaudy Christmas most.  I have a plastic snowman and a five foot santa greeting you in the front of the house.  My husband wrapped all twelve of our columns with red ribbon too, which gives the house that little something extra.  We're having a lot of fun this year.

A Great Week

My husband and I did something we rarely do.  We jumped off the high-speed-train that is our life for one whole week.  I ignored work as much as possible for one week.  My husband did the same- he tried really hard not to work.  Together we slowed down.  You'll notice I didn't blog for the week either.  I was trying to unplug and recharge my batteries.  Surprisingly, it took several DAYS for me to decompress.  I'm more relaxed today, on the eve of returning to the corporate grind, than at any other point in the week.  I think that's a good thing.

I enjoyed seeing these beautiful red leafed trees across the 'sac this week. It was a magical view out of my front door.   I hope you had a great week too.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014


What's better than starting your day with a ridiculously strong cup of black coffee (no cream, no sugar)?  I think I really might be addicted to coffee - is that a problem?  The coffee becomes extra delicious on cold mornings.  It's a cold morning.

I'm planning to take the entire week of Thanksgiving off, and I cannot get there soon enough.  It's exciting.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

A Man Called Ove

Very rarely do I devour a book, but this book came so highly recommended by my mother, my father, and my husband's mother that I am making time to read this interesting novel.  In fact, we have a little family ritual; if my mother and father read a book they both find exceptional/worthy of my time, then they'll send me a copy in the mail.  It's fun.  It encourages me to read for fun.  It also spoils me.  My novels are vetted before they arrive in my home.

We don't always agree; my parents enjoyed The Girl with A Dragon Tattoo series; I found it thrilling but way, way, way too disturbing.  I stopped after the first book.  

I'm already charmed by the first few chapters of A Man Called Ove.

I love me a good curmudgeon.

I don't know where this book is going, but I can tell I'm going to enjoy the trip.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Bailey McCarthy Is Back

Allllll hellllll YES!!  I have a multi year "friendship" with someone I've never met in person, never spoken to live - she's my friend because I've been a passionate follower of Bailey McCarthy's blog Peppermint Bliss and her start up Houston store Biscuit Home.  I feel like I know her.  In fact, I made Dooley take me to Bailey's store when we were in Houston last - my husband got a kick-ass wallet, and Dooley picked up some nice earrings.

Bailey's youngest son had health issues in the summer so she backed away from her blog.   I was disappointed she went away, rightfully so, because I missed seeing Bailey's genius in action.  For example:

I just noticed this week that Bailey is back to her blog; her son is okay.  I'm so excited for her.  I would love to engage her and her team to help whip our house into shape, but our architect friend said executing my high vision for our house will require $100K to $300K cash...I guess nothing is happening soon...but Bailey is young we have time!


I discovered something last night while waiting on my husband to get home from the office; making cornbread from scratch is a nice way to unwind from a busy week.  Working in client service as a consultant with a 20+ team gets me all worked up into an intense-ness, and since I don't drink and I don't do drugs it's hard some times for me to come down from the battle zone when I get home.

Cooking might be the answer.  It worked last night.


Monday, November 10, 2014

The Power of Love

Ted, who was one of my college BFF's, got married this past weekend to Kristin, a love he found while they were getting their Ivy League MBA's. Ted's life and my life have gone in many different directions since our undergraduate days; however, when we're together, we pick up right where we left off. In undergrad, Ted and I were a part of a close foursome of friends with Clint and Logan. All three of those guys are straight, and in the first couple years of college I was still pretending to be straight.

Early on, Ted knew I was gay, unbeknownst to me because we never talked about it, and as college progressed, Ted wanted me to be okay with being gay—I was terrified. My concern was whether Clint, Logan, and Ted would still be friends with me if they knew I was gay. It was a very real fear of mine at the time.

Ted, along with Clint, Logan, and many more friends, organized a night out at the gay bars in Austin one night. They invited everyone, and our only destination was a bar called "Boyz Cellar." The night had a ton of great moments because there was a group of thirty of us together that night (mostly girls and our foursome), but one of the sweetest moments I will always remember happened that night on the dance floor. At one point Ted pulled me onto the dance floor, and we danced together like we were both gay! The dance floor continued moving fast, and the music was loud, but the two of us slowed down, and talked in the middle of sweaty dancers. Ted looked me in the eyes and said it was okay if I was gay. I was scared, but at this point he had his arms around me, and he reassured me it was okay. I think I told him not to tell anyone one. He assured me he wouldn't. He told me he loved me. He wanted me to be okay with being gay because he was okay with me being gay. At some point we went back to dancing like we both were gay!

The following week I freaked out for telling Ted. Ted continued to check in on me (he was straight, and he really didn't have any answers) because he knew I needed help figuring it out after my freak out. So he just kept reassuring me any time it came up that it was okay to be gay. We scheduled "Mondates" at lunch every Monday. It was chance for us to talk it out one on one.

That was such an important moment in my life. It was important because his friendship helped me fully accept myself. It was a process, and I had many different helpers, but Ted's contributions were significant.

I'm happy I was out of the closest 11 years ago this fall because that was the first time I met the love of my life. When I first met my future husband 11 years ago this October, he was in a relationship, but when that relationship fizzled, I pounced at the opportunity to scoop up that gem of a man. Eleven years ago this December my husband and I went on our first date. That's the moment where it really all began for me, but before that there was a network of friends pushing me along so I could get ready for that moment to meet my future husband as the best version of myself...which is gay.

Sunday, November 9, 2014


It's fall y'all.  At least it feels like and looks like fall in Nashville, which is where we spent a lovely weekend to see The Uncles and attend a wedding with friends.  Fall in Texas is never predictable; some years I recall brilliant fall leaves on the Chinese Pistachios, Bradford Pears, and Sweet Gum trees around the neighborhood, but mostly I notice fall in Texas when I feel the cooler weather and see the leafless trees in our yard.  The leaves go from green to ground without the color changing finale to their leaf life cycle.  This year when we flew into Nashville I could see the speckled red and yellow trees in the rolling hills.  In Nashville it looks and feels like fall.

On Friday night we watched My Uncle and his community theater company perform Michel Marc Bouchard's play Lillies.  This play is worth your time if you ever get a chance to see the work performed on stage by talented actors.  It's complicated and multi layered and makes you think about the plot long after the show.  It's like a good book.  It entertains and makes you think.  Of course, my uncle was the best actor in the company!  After the show we ate fried pickles, cheese fries, burgers and talked about our theater experience.

On Saturday,  after a fat kid breakfast followed by a walk through the park with The Uncles, we drove to a historic 1836 farm where my college friend Ted married his love Kristin in a very elegant and sophisticated wedding.  Every single moment was so thoughtful from the wedding to the reception - it was beautiful.  I loved dinning in the cloth draped tent, which was a new experience for me.

This wedding had a ten-piece band that was the best wedding band ever.  They performed the classics early in the evening, and then after a break they jammed to the pop hits from Beyonce to Katy to Bruno to Taylor.  They even performed Outkast and Garth Brooks and some rap.  I used to always be a fan of wedding DJ's, but now I'm a fan of 10-piece wedding bands that can sing everything!

On Sunday, we were greeted in Dallas by my husband's parents who had been taking care of their grand-dogs.  We had lunch together, and after they left my husband and I took an afternoon nap with the fall wind blowing our chimes outside our bedroom window.

It was a great weekend. I love fall y'all.

Friday, November 7, 2014


"Try to say nothing negative about yourself for three days, for forty-five days, for three months.  See what happens to your life."

-Yoko Ono

Sunday, November 2, 2014

One Year of Being Legal

Although my husband and I clocked eight years in May since our wedding in Austin, Texas (May 13, 2006).  Today we just clocked one year of being legally married.  One year ago today, in the shadow of the Santa Barbara Courthouse, on November 2, 2013 my husband and I legally were married.

This date will always be significant.  My husband's parents, my husband's sister & her men, my husband's aunt and uncle, my parents, and our beloved BFF Del made a fun weekend of the significant event.

Thank you California.  Thank you U.S.A. Thank you for recognizing that my husband and I are equal to (not less than) any other married couple in this country.

Sunday Night is Steak Night

Tonight my husband and I dined on filet, baked potatoes, and (wait for it-) creamed spinach!  I've searched for a creamed spinach recipe and I finally landed on the Barefoot Contessa's Spinach Gratin as my go to starting point.  (Note to self: what the hell does the word "gratin" mean?) I made a few modifications to Ina's recipe, because when cooking (not baking) you must always follow your taste buds.  First, I fried up some diced bacon and then I cooked my onion with the bacon bits and bacon grease instead of butter.
I added much more freshly ground pepper.  I increased the nutmeg, and I may have added a little bit more cheese...
The end product was delicious - even my husband (who's never met an onion he liked) ate this dish (onions and all).


I'm 34 years old.  I'm overweight.  I've got a bald spot on my head the size of a salad plate.  And, I'm in Taylor Swift's fan club.  I own it.  I wonder if she knows guys like me are touched by her and her work?  The girl can write a song!

Her 2012 Red album is freakin' brilliant from the very beginning to the very end.  One of my all time favorite songs is All Too Well track 5 on Red; sometimes while I'm sitting in traffic on my way home from work I put "All Too Well" on repeat and I jam the whole way home.

Swift's 1989 album that came out last week is very nice; I like it a lot.  Last night I was the designated driver of my husband's SUV ("the party bus") and I only played 1989 in the car.  I'm trying to turn our straight guy friends onto the power of T. Swift- they like her when they're drunk is all I can say for sure!

If you only listen to one song on 1989, then you have to listen to "Style."  It's about a love affair based in passion not based in reality.  It's Scarlett and Rhett, it's Liz and Dick, it's thrilling/it's sexy.  It's sex, sex, sex! It's my new jam the whole way home from work.

Candy Land

To get ready for Halloween, my husband and I purchased the variety package of chocolate candy.  For fun, in between trick-or-treaters, we independently ranked in order of favorites to least favorite the candy in the variety package.

If you look at the above photo on the top row I've ranked my favorite to least favorite candy, and on the second row my husband ranked his favorite to least favorite candy.  I find it interesting that three of my top four choices are his least favorite; notice the large gap between the Milky Way and his bottom three.  I suppose that makes us a good match?  I will never have competition for Reese's, Almond Joy or Peanut M&M from my husband.  Opposites attract?

On Halloween night we were invited to a epic costume party with hundreds of people in attendance.  It was an open bar with a DJ.  I did not want to go.  I had a hard stressful week at work and I wanted to stay at home and decompress, and I'm not really in to large parties.  My husband really wanted to go because he's the fun one in our marriage - so we went.  (Opposites attract.)  It was a last minute invitation, which means we didn't have time for an innovative costume.  We went as baseball players - a catcher and a pitcher - so many straight guys and girls thought our costume was hilarious.  People wanted us in their photos.
In the end, the party/the night was a lot of fun.  I'm so glad my husband prodded me along on Friday night to join in on life.  Plus, I took a lot of my stress out on the dance floor with my white guy dance moves.  Watch out!

It's true what they say, "life begins where your comfort level ends..."  My husband makes me a more interesting person.  My first response to a new situation is always, NO!, but my husband turns my "no's" into "yeses," which is why I love him (need him)!

Friday, October 31, 2014


"...While I have never denied my sexuality, I haven’t publicly acknowledged it either, until now. So let me be clear: I’m proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me.

"Being gay has given me a deeper understanding of what it means to be in the minority and provided a window into the challenges that people in other minority groups deal with every day. It’s made me more empathetic, which has led to a richer life. It’s been tough and uncomfortable at times, but it has given me the confidence to be myself, to follow my own path, and to rise above adversity and bigotry. It’s also given me the skin of a rhinoceros, which comes in handy when you’re the CEO of Apple.

"The world has changed so much since I was a kid. America is moving toward marriage equality, and the public figures who have bravely come out have helped change perceptions and made our culture more tolerant. Still, there are laws on the books in a majority of states that allow employers to fire people based solely on their sexual orientation. There are many places where landlords can evict tenants for being gay, or where we can be barred from visiting sick partners and sharing in their legacies. Countless people, particularly kids, face fear and abuse every day because of their sexual orientation.

"I don’t consider myself an activist, but I realize how much I’ve benefited from the sacrifice of others. So if hearing that the CEO of Apple is gay can help someone struggling to come to terms with who he or she is, or bring comfort to anyone who feels alone, or inspire people to insist on their equality, then it’s worth the trade-off with my own privacy.

"I’ll admit that this wasn’t an easy choice. Privacy remains important to me, and I’d like to hold on to a small amount of it. I’ve made Apple my life’s work, and I will continue to spend virtually all of my waking time focused on being the best CEO I can be. That’s what our employees deserve—and our customers, developers, shareholders, and supplier partners deserve it, too. Part of social progress is understanding that a person is not defined only by one’s sexuality, race, or gender. I’m an engineer, an uncle, a nature lover, a fitness nut, a son of the South, a sports fanatic, and many other things. I hope that people will respect my desire to focus on the things I’m best suited for and the work that brings me joy.

"The company I am so fortunate to lead has long advocated for human rights and equality for all. We’ve taken a strong stand in support of a workplace equality bill before Congress, just as we stood for marriage equality in our home state of California. And we spoke up in Arizona when that state’s legislature passed a discriminatory bill targeting the gay community. We’ll continue to fight for our values, and I believe that any CEO of this incredible company, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation, would do the same. And I will personally continue to advocate for equality for all people until my toes point up.

"When I arrive in my office each morning, I’m greeted by framed photos of Dr. King and Robert F. Kennedy. I don’t pretend that writing this puts me in their league. All it does is allow me to look at those pictures and know that I’m doing my part, however small, to help others. We pave the sunlit path toward justice together, brick by brick. This is my brick."

- Tim Cook CEO of Apple

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

How'd we get here?

Long time readers of this blog know my husband and I are slowly and surely moving towards fatherhood.  There's no baby in the works, but we're lining things up.  The environment in which we will be raising our future children in is very different from the environment I was raised in, which bothers me a bit.

For example, most of our friends with children have help from a nanny.  I understand if you have two careers and you need weekday help from a nanny, but we have friends that are in single income households and they too have help from a nanny.  We went to a barbecue two Saturdays ago and one family showed up: mother, father, children, and the nanny.

Another example, we were asking our friends in the 'sac how much candy we need to buy to get ready for Halloween, and our friend told us to buy lots of candy because our neighborhood is visited by lots of (she switched to a whisper:) "apartment kids."  She went on to tell a sweet story about a kid knocking on her door at 8 PM last year excited that her porch light was still on because his mom just got home from work and everyone else had stopped handing out candy.  Our friend emptied her candy bowl into his sack.

Our bubble is full of kind and generous friends.  No one is being mean, but the environment is unrecognizable from the environment I grew up in...part of  me wants to sell out and move back to my hometown to raise our children.  That's not really going to happen, which means I will need to need to poke holes in our bubble.  I want my kids to know that kids who live in apartments should not be labeled "apartment kids."

Now I know why my father always made me work the hottest hardest jobs in the summers growing up.

Monday, October 27, 2014


From The Telegraph interview with pop star Ariana Grande.

"Grande was raised a Catholic, but in adolescence began questioning her faith out of love and support for her brother, who is gay. ‘When my brother was told that God didn’t love him I was like, “OK, that’s not cool.” They were building a Kabbalah centre in Florida so we both checked it out and really had a connection with it.’

"The Kabbalah movement – Madonna is its most high-profile adherent – ‘sort of stuck with me. And since then my life has unfolded in a really beautiful way, and I think that it has a lot to do with the tools I’ve learnt through Kabbalah, I really do.’

Creamed Spinach

This weekend I decided I need a go-to creamed spinach recipe in my wheel house.  This weekend I made Martha Stewart's recipe, which was Big Martha's recipe.
It was okay but not great.  It was very simple. I think I need one with more flavor - like cheese!  The research continues. (If you have a creamed spinach recipe you love, then email it to me.)

My husband grilled the best steak this weekend.  I like my steak like I like my tuna - seared.  I usually don't like to eat steaks outside of fine dinning restaurants, because it's hard for home cooks to serve a rare piece of meat. 
This weekend we also perfected our baked potato recipe. My mother said the key to a good baked potato is high heat - 475 degrees.  My husband said the key to a good baked potato is to wash it and roll it in salt before you bake it.  When you put my mother's and my husband's skills together, then you have the best potato! I ate the skin and all.
In a few weeks we're hosting family for my father's 61st birthday - I'm testing these recipes to create a menu for the group. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

Birthday Weekend

My husband's mother had a birthday this weekend.  Since she looks so youthful and acts so youthful we decided it was more fun to celebrate her 46th birthday.  Yes, she turned 46, which means she was 12 when she had my husband and 8 when she had my husband's sister- don't worry about the details! It was a party!

My husband's parents are headed on a three week vacation in New Zealand with their life long best friends, and they've signed up for a 12 mile hike to get to a 5 star hotel.  The hike is supposed to be spectacular.  I am really looking forward to seeing the pictures.  Now does a 12 mile hike seem like something a 64 year old would sign up for?  No.  It sounds like something a 46 year old would sign up for.

The key takeaway: in order to be young you have to act young!  Have a fun trip!

Wedding Weekend

My husband and I had the best weekend at Dave and Myranda's wedding.  We were ushers in their wedding - and we dominated.  We had the job of opening the giant wooden doors so the bride and her father could make a grand entrance into the chapel.  It was awesome because as we flung the doors open my husband said something that made the bride laugh and I played off my husband-  later at the reception she said she was so nervous until she saw us and we made her laugh.

The key takeaway is that in life you should always laugh!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Movie Time

It's fall.  I'm really enjoying the cooler weather.  The cool breeze made me realize that the summer movie season is over, and although we don't go to the movies as much as we used to - I have to say my two favorite movies this summer were Guardians of the Galaxy and Edge of Tomorrow.  Did you see these films?
I didn't think I was a super hero kinda guy, but Guardians is an amazing film.  I laughed.  I might have cried. I was entertained.
Stick with Edge of Tomorrow - I giggled the first ten minutes because it's hard for me to take Tom Cruise seriously nowadays, since he's been sending out the crazy/controlling vibe, but after I got accustomed to seeing Tom Cruise I was all in on this film.  I actually don't know why Edge of Tomorrow didn't do better at the box office. It's interesting.  It's fun.