Sunday, February 22, 2015

Fatherhood: The Beginning

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To maintain expectations, the soonest we could be pregnant is July 2015.  We're still looking at about 13 months before baby(ies) is/are under our roof.  We have attorneys, contracts, egg donors, embryos and a surrogate to get ready before July.  Yesterday, my husband and I went and donated our part of the baby making equation.

It was incredibly awkward and a little bit funny.  We each were given our own "collection room".   They were cleaning my room - so my husband went in first.  A few minutes later they came to get me. There was a sink, a brown vinyl recliner (no way in hell I'm sitting in that chair), a small television, and a DVD player in my collection room.

While I was waiting on my room, I received a text from one of my straight buddy Ryan: "Good luck today.  Don't take too long in there, but don't be too fast either.  The important thing to remember is that the nurses are out there judging you."

I was giggling at the situation.

The "collection room" had a very clinical feeling, which is appropriate; however, to help me out they placed on the table two DVD's of men flexing their muscles and posing for the camera.   I read the backs of both DVD's but it wasn't that interesting.  Clearly a straight person picked out the DVD's catering to the homos in the collection room.  However, someone accidentally left a movie for a hetero male in the DVD player.  I was curious - I was still giggling on the inside, and my husband won't know I was watching a movie for straight guys - so I hit play.   The title was something like Young Babes II; it must be good if they made a sequel...

The situation could not get any more awkward, right?   I just handed over a urine sample to a very beautiful young nurse. Two nurses had just taken a lot of blood out of my right arm, which meant my right hand was cold.  A cold right hand was not helping me for the task at hand...let's just say I am not ambidextrous.  I think this would have been easier if my husband was in here too.

I was standing. (Because I was not sitting in the community chair in the collection room.)  My pants were down around my ankles. I punched the triangle on the DVD player.  I was still trying to warm up my right hand when the "movie" started.  Oh my.  The movie was insane; it was staring very large men and very skinny women.  I was in a trance.  I kept watching.  My hand was still cold.  Burr.  I could hear the nurses outside in the hallway.  I started thinking about Ryan's text: The important thing to remember is that the nurses are out there judging you.   I heard my husband in the hallway he was already finished.  Was I taking too long?  I tried to focus. Focus.  Focus. Focus.

All the sudden (surprise!) I needed the collection cup, but I wasn't close to the collection cup. The small room now seemed enormous.  I waddled over (my pants were down) and grabbed the cup just in time to get most (but not all) of the collection.

Fatherhood here we come.

1 comment:

  1. Hahahahahahahah! You are sooo funny! I loved this story. We are trying via surrogacy as well, same time as you :), I want to wish you Best of Luck! I hope it works out for both our families on the first try, fingers crossed!