To maintain expectations, the soonest we could be pregnant is July 2015. We're still looking at about 13 months before baby(ies) is/are under our roof. We have attorneys, contracts, egg donors, embryos and a surrogate to get ready before July. Yesterday, my husband and I went and donated our part of the baby making equation.
It was incredibly awkward and a little bit funny. We each were given our own "collection room". They were cleaning my room - so my husband went in first. A few minutes later they came to get me. There was a sink, a brown vinyl recliner (no way in hell I'm sitting in that chair), a small television, and a DVD player in my collection room.
While I was waiting on my room, I received a text from one of my straight buddy Ryan: "Good luck today. Don't take too long in there, but don't be too fast either. The important thing to remember is that the nurses are out there judging you."
I was giggling at the situation.
The "collection room" had a very clinical feeling, which is appropriate; however, to help me out they placed on the table two DVD's of men flexing their muscles and posing for the camera. I read the backs of both DVD's but it wasn't that interesting. Clearly a straight person picked out the DVD's catering to the homos in the collection room. However, someone accidentally left a movie for a hetero male in the DVD player. I was curious - I was still giggling on the inside, and my husband won't know I was watching a movie for straight guys - so I hit play. The title was something like Young Babes II; it must be good if they made a sequel...
The situation could not get any more awkward, right? I just handed over a urine sample to a very beautiful young nurse. Two nurses had just taken a lot of blood out of my right arm, which meant my right hand was cold. A cold right hand was not helping me for the task at hand...let's just say I am not ambidextrous. I think this would have been easier if my husband was in here too.
I was standing. (Because I was not sitting in the community chair in the collection room.) My pants were down around my ankles. I punched the triangle on the DVD player. I was still trying to warm up my right hand when the "movie" started. Oh my. The movie was insane; it was staring very large men and very skinny women. I was in a trance. I kept watching. My hand was still cold. Burr. I could hear the nurses outside in the hallway. I started thinking about Ryan's text: The important thing to remember is that the nurses are out there judging you. I heard my husband in the hallway he was already finished. Was I taking too long? I tried to focus. Focus. Focus. Focus.
All the sudden (surprise!) I needed the collection cup, but I wasn't close to the collection cup. The small room now seemed enormous. I waddled over (my pants were down) and grabbed the cup just in time to get most (but not all) of the collection.
Fatherhood here we come.