Friday, December 11, 2009

Be the change you wish to see in- Texas!

Apparently I spoke to something important when I posted Our love is not a joke on Tuesday. Thank you for all your emails and off-blog discussions! Many of you said you were sorry for us, but no worries. We're used to it. It's just part of our life. We realize we could have an "easier" life if we lived in a blue state; It would be a life where it's unacceptable for a hostess to make a joke about our love. We could move, but we don't want to move; Texas is our home damnit! So we put up with inappropriate remarks in hopes of paving the way for the next generation of gay husbands and wives. We're here. We're queer. We're husband and husband. That's one of the reasons I maintain this blog--- I want to prove that our glorious gay days are just like your hetero non-gay days. Our love is the same.

My husband's cousin Bobby sent me the below email in response Our love is not a joke post and I wanted to share part of the email with you:

Last year, I was in New Orleans and was having lunch at the bar. The bar was in the back of the restaurant, and nearby was the kitchen with a lot of waiter traffic in and out. The floor manager, heaving a loaded tray of dirty dishes, was about to enter the kitchen when the female bartender called out to him, "Glad to see you're doing some honest work." I turned around as he lifted the tray in a "camp" fashion and said, "Yes, I'm having my gay moment." I was furious.

Determined to raise the issue with him, I decided that, rather than confronting him as I walked out, I would tell the bartender. I was afraid that if I told him and him only, he would bury the issue and the point would be lost on the staff. I decided that someone else had to know in order to make sure that the point was made to several people. After I talked to the bartender, who apologized profusely, the manager came over. He told me that he was embarrassed, he was sorry, he was humiliated, and that it was not his intention to hurt me. I assured him that I knew he had not intended to hurt me -- that was the point: casual remarks made unintentionally can be harmful as intentional remarks. I asked him, "Would you say, 'I'm having my Negro moment.' or 'I'm having my Latino moment'?" I think not.

They bought my lunch, which I assured him wasn't the point either. He said, "I know that. It will make me feel just a tiny bit better. Not much, but a tiny bit."

Several weeks ago, I went back to the same restaurant and sat on the same stool. The bartender came over and said, "Welcome back. We're so pleased you have forgiven us. The manager convened a meeting after that episode last year and we had a very serious discussion of what happened. It will never happen again."

I am glad that I spoke up.


I am glad you spoke up too Bobby! I wish I had said something on Tuesday, but some days I want to fight the injustice and other days I just let it be...I think the next time I will follow your approach. Very well played.

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