Sunday, November 22, 2015

Surprises Still Occur

To increase the chances of getting pregnant we performed preimplantation genetic diagnosis on our 5 day old embryos.  The main goal of this test is to identify any abnormal embryos, which would not be implanted into our surrogate.  If we implanted abnormal embryos, then nature would most likely not allow us to stay pregnant.   We wanted to get pregnant and stay pregnant; as such, we implanted two genetically normal embryos.   Another data point that arrives with the DNA testing is the gender of the embryos; we were able to select the gender of the embryos we implanted.

Through this whole process, my strong opinion has been I didn't care if we implanted boys or girls I just wanted us to implant the same gender.  As you know, we implanted two boys in July.

On Friday, during the 20 week epic anatomy sonogram where 100% of the babies are measured and analyzed we discovered we had one healthy baby boy and one healthy baby GIRL.

I was in shock.  I kept asking the tech to recheck.  I kept saying things like, could it (the boy part) be there and you not be able to see it?  I couldn't believe it.  For 20 weeks I've been the father of two baby boys. When the doctor arrived he zoomed in on a certain part and said: this is not a boy.  Oh.

The very same day we went to the OB-Gyn doctor appointment and we asked the second doctor to perform another sonogram.  She did and she said, again, this is a boy and this is a girl.  Oh.

If god exist, then maybe she's reminding us we're not in control?  I called my husband to inform him of the news, and he laughed with loads of joy.  I enjoyed hearing his excitement.  I was still in shock.  I wanted to find a third doctor to check.

Phone calls were made to our fertility doctor and he reminded us that the sex gene is the faintest gene on the test.  The determined gender is only 98% accurate.  Cells from the actual embryo are not biopsied, it's cells from the sack (whatever the embryo hatches from) and since we're not testing embryo cells the gender can be misdiagnosed.  This means our girl is in the top 2%.  She's going to rule the world - as all girls should.

On the drive home I felt guilty for feeling a sense of loss.  We had two boy names picked out.  I had already envisioned our family of two dads, two sons, two French bulldogs and one spectacular hound.  My plan was to have two sons, and then go back in a few years and get two daughters.  I had a plan.  This was not in my plan.  I avoid surprises in life.  I plan.

My husband said it best: We (he really meant me) have to learn to release our agendas.

My brother's wife, the mother of our nieces, helps me process my emotions related to fatherhood, said that as a parent I will never be in control, and this is just preparing us for that fact.

Last night at dinner my maternal aunt, and mother of three, said something similar: you don't have control as a parent.

So I needed 36 hours to pivot my thinking.  If someday in the future my baby girl reads this silliness, then I want her to know it's a joyous blessing.  I'm just needed a moment to reset my plan, and I'm insecure about my ability to raise a successful girl, since women can be very mysterious to me still.  I've got time to figure it out.  To plan.

I'm going to have a son and a daughter!  How lucky is that?  And the adventure continues!

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