Saturday, October 31, 2009

Cougar Attacks

We were attacked by a cougar on Saturday night.

In Dallas the Gayborhood (Oak Lawn & Cedar Springs) has their humongous Halloween bash the Saturday before Halloween. It's a tad bit like walking down Bourbon Street in New Orleans. It's an enormous crowd of people and most are in Halloween costumes. There are lots of skimpy costumes and lots of creative costumes. Halloween is the one holiday when all the heteros like to hang around the homos.

My husband and I were enjoying the costume parade from a balcony. I made the mistake of making eye contact with a 40-something very fit woman in a kitty-cat outfit. A cougar was among us. She came over to see us. She flirted with us. She hit on us. She was very drunk. She wanted to sit in my lap. We explained that we were married. To each other. She didn't seem to get it. I think she wanted to come back to our place. She kept asking what else could we do for fun. Awkward. At this point I felt like the first time I caught a catfish and had to figure out how to get the fish off the hook. It had been so long since I was hit on by a woman that I was both excited and completely lost. What do we do with this woman? Finally, my husband and I used the oldest trick in the book. We said we're going to get some drinks from the bar, and instead we left the bar.

We gave up our prime balcony real estate because we didn't want to tell a very drunk lady to leave us alone. She really wanted to be our friend. And by friend I mean lover. We figured that any cougar that comes to the Gayborhood dressed as a kitty-cat deserves kindness from the gay couple she's trying to pick up. We wouldn't want to intentionally hurt her feelings.

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